Fortunately there was just time in the last session to do a script read of this draft of the script, I really enjoyed the pace of it being read aloud and felt that on the whole the dialogue sounded light off the page and there wasn’t any significant pace issues with these sections.

The two montage sections really benifitted from being shorter, I think that although they serve a purpose here if I pursue this script further I would possible remove them and find an alternate way to solve the problem. They would definately add complexity to filming the project and contributed to the main criticism that the script recieved after the read through.

With so many characters and locations and the pace of the plot in just ten pages there were comments that it was hard to follow what was happening. I think that this is a realistic observation, I wanted the pace to have the drive of adventure story whilst retaining the themeatic issues address by the world but there are very few scenes where we pause to take stock of what has happened so far. I think that I could have removed another charcter/plot point and still achieved the same world building, I think I was enjoying developing this idea too much to notice that for ten pages it really didn’t need to cover so much ground, this was Park’s story and anything that didn’t directly service that could have been dropped, I think Sally could realistically have been merged with Lily in this version and it would have still achieved many of the same points.

I don’t think that this is what I will do going forward as I think that there is enough story here to support a longer running time and I want see if I can make it work for 25-30 minutes. I enjoyed writing these characters and this world.